So I was reading through some of the comments on YouTube today, and it occurred to me that in 20 years from now, English won’t exist anymore. It will be replaced by an abortive collection of quasi-words, abbreviations and smiley faces.

The whole idea really disturbed me, so I indulged in a pack of gingerbread biscuits and decided to rant about it.

I can understand that as time progresses, languages need to evolve to keep up with technology and new norms in society. In the 50s the phrase “swinger” meant something a tad more wholesome than what it means now, and calling someone could only be done if they were within vocal range.

I can’t understand why there is a need to shorten real words into abominations that can’t even be pronounced. Why do teenagers insist of using abbreviations for everything, even when they aren’t using their mobile phones? Are they just lazy, or have they reached a point where they can’t write properly, even when they try?

Would it be so difficult to learn to type properly, so that the rest of earth’s populous can understand what you are trying to say?

What makes me really scared, is that as little as I like like it, these illiterate little shits are the future CEOs, politicians, and marketing execs of our world.

Do you think for one second that these selfish little bastards (yes, most middle-to-upper class teens are spoilt and selfish, just look at the iPhone to brat distribution and try to argue) are going to keep us poor old buggers who can’t read über-shorthand in mind when they design products, publish books or create websites? I think not.

I fear for a future where “educated people of moderate age” are branded illiterate and stupid by the mass of shit spouting morons who choose to disregard thousands of years of grammar and convention in favor of a version of English for which no standard exists.

I can imagine that there was some outrage the first time someone shortened “I will not” to “I won’t”, but this is very different. This is not adjusting written language to accommodate the way English is spoken, this is just being too lazy to type out full words. This shows that the human race has reached an all time low. Our ability to communicate with written language is one of the major things that sets us apart from animals, and we are throwing it away.

“Just learn to read it”, you say…

Wish I could, but then I’d have to double the dose of anti-seizure medication I’m theoretically supposed to take.

“Just ignore it”‘ you say…

I’m afraid that it is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore this literary backyard abortion, as varsity students who enter the workplace are already starting to use these abbreviations in corporate communications. Suffice it to say that I would immediately give someone a written warning if they tried that shit in my company, but unfortunately not all companies have policies against it.

How do we stop it?

We identify the culprits, and shoot them in the face with a shotgun.

Alternatively, while literate people still have the majority, we can make a point of ignoring any communication presented in this style. We can alienate anyone who is guilty of this crime. We can put policies in place that remove this scourge from the workplace with email filters, and a new generation of spell checkers.

I suppose we will have to wait and see how this turns out, but I can only hope that governments and large businesses wake up before we end up having to use Google Translate set to (Shit -> English) to read anything posted on the web.